I Wish I Knew

I hate not knowing what is wrong. Did I do or say something hurtful? If I did then isn't the responsibility of the person I hurt to tell me? So I can know what I did and make it better?

Or maybe it's just that things are not what I thought they were. I thought it meant something. How can I feel so strongly about something and be wrong? A change has taken place. I guess I was fooling myself. I guess I was alone in my feelings. I guess I was alone in my desires. I am hurt. Rejected. Sad. I have to let go. Give the space needed. And accept it if the time is indefinite. Get over it. Learn.

I am reminded by the song by Alanis Morisette titled You Learn. It's about learning from your mistakes and learning from life. You cry, you learn. You choke, you learn. However, sitting here I have to say that just because I feel hurt, rejected and sad doesn't have to equal mistake. I'm always associating pain with mistakes. I may have mis-judged. I may have trusted and let my guard down when I should not have. But does it mean I made a mistake. I allowed myself to feel and I felt good. At least I know it is possible. I am strong. I trust God. I want to be swept off my feet. I want a prince. Where is my knight? I so wanted it to be different, but then I'm only thinking of myself. I'm not being fair. I want to be fair. Tell me what to do. . . . I need answers. I feel so lost.